We all know that parenting is an excellent journey however it has its challenges. One of the most challenging episodes can take place in front of everyone else, just when a tantrum or meltdown has decided to wade through all the stimuli at once. When (our children) melt down in a store crowded with humanity or in a restaurant stuffed with people scratching their heads, it’s easy for us parents to be instantly covered with shame, stress and helplessness. But there is a powerful way to help parents through these difficult times they need the peace and compassion in their parenting — this beautiful way of mindful parenting.

In this blog post we will be sharing with you our experience of becoming more mindful parents when dealing with those awful melt downs and tantrums while in public. In this series, we will go into why kids explode, how mindfulness could change a parent and reflect on a few practical strategies that can help you to remain calm in the eye of the unstoppable storm. Engaging in mindfulness allows you to respond to your child’s emotional needs with greater precision, building a stronger relationship and creating more positive experiences for the both of you.

Understanding Tantrums and Meltdowns

First, let’s take a look at what tantrums​ and meltdowns actually are and why they happen. This information will help you to answer with more empathy and effectiveness.

A tantrum and a meltdown, what are they?

Tantrums: When an out-of-control rage, frustration or defiance occurs, it is usually considered a tantrum. Example: A child screams, cries, used feet to kick or throws objects. Tantrums typically arise when children want something they cannot allow, or do not have the skills to express their feelings in a more appropriate manner.

Meltdowns, On the other hand, meltdowns are a type of intense and rather overwhelming emotional outbursts. Children not being able to behave themselves — experiencing intense emotions like fear, anxiety or sensory overload. A meltdown can be brought on by a number of things — being overstimulated, tired, hungry or any deviation from the established routine.

What Is a Meltdown or Tantrum and Why Do Kids Have Them in Public?

When out in public, children can become a “magnet” for those who simply do not understand or appreciate the challenges little ones face every day. The reasons for resorting to public outbursts are quite common.

• Sensory overload: Children’s senses can be overwhelmed by crowds, noise, bright lights and strangeness of a new place.
• Tired or Horny Kids: Children who are tired or hungry are more likely to freak out emotionally. They have difficulty controlling their emotions and reacting to frustration, especially when they are low blood sugar or tired.

You May Witness more Tantrums or Meltdowns Due to Frustration and Difficulty Transitioning: Many children are having a hard time transitioning from one activity to another, or shifting gears if plans change (e.g., moving from school where there is regimented structure to summer camp with less structure).

They Want Control or Attention: – Sometimes tantrums/ meltdowns are one way children try to gain some control or seek for attention.

What Public Tantrums and Meltdowns Cost Parents

It can be very stressful and extremely emotional for a parent when a child has tantrums and meltdowns in public. It can bring forward embarrassment, frustration and helplessness. It can be scary having all eyes on you, expecting you to control your child and not knowing how will it go.

Just know you are not alone! Dealing with Emotional Outbursts in Public as a Parent is something most Parents Have Faced Living mindfully and having tools at your disposal will help you approach these challenges with more grace and kindness.

The Power of Mindfulness in Parenting

Something that can make all the difference for parents in a challenging parenting moment is simply practicing mindfulness — this means being completely present and conscious of what is happening in the current moment without judgment. If you have learned the art of mindfulness, then you can use it to help respond appropriately to tantrums and meltdowns — even in public.

What is Mindfulness?

This means, you notice when your mind has wandered and gently bring it back to the present moment — no judgments, just noticing what is happening in that millisecond. It is to get you to practice Non-Judgmental Awareness so that you will be able to respond to stimuli with clarity and unconditional discipline.

How Mindfulness Can Help Parents Deal With Tantrums & Meltdowns

Practicing mindfulness may lead to parents getting greater control over the behavior of a child, empowering them to make appropriate choices in tough times.

• Self-Reflection: Being more mindful makes you reflect on what your triggers, emotions and knee jerk actions are. Being self-aware, you notice when you start getting stressed or feeling a little too much on your plate and with that the ability to catch yourself before reacting impulsively and choose how to respond in a more mindful manner.
• Emotion Regulation: A mindfulness approach enables you to notice your emotions without judgment, and allows you to respond to them more controlled and intentional. The control of these emotions can then stop yourself responding with an even higher emotional charge and worsening things.
• Respond, Not React: Mindfulness puts a small space between the stimulus (your child’s behavior) and response (your reaction), giving us more room to take a pause before we react to our children, rather than just reacting automatically. And then that allows you to respond much more compassionately, understandingly and effectively.

Why the Power of Mindful Parenting Goes Public

Here are some of the benefits that you may derive from practicing mindful parenting in a public space:

• Less Stress and Anxiety: Remaining calm and grounded, can lower your own stress and anxiety level in turn helping to de-escalate your child too.
• HI ability To De-escalate Situations: Imagine if the next time your child is in a temper tantrum mode, you can be present for them whilst they scream and shout.
• Deeper Connection and Trust: Responding compassionately to your child’s feelings lets them know you’re there for them greatly tightening the strings that bond you. This helps foster a relationship based on trust and good will.
• Empathy and Understanding: It can make you look in the shoes of your child and makes you understand how they feel under that situation. This, in turn, can mean better communication and ability to resolve conflicts.

Mindful Strategies for Handling Public Tantrums and Meltdowns

Dealing with a public tantrum or meltdown is one of the most stressful situation that parents have to endure, and it can lead you actually making the situation worse. But with mindful strategies, you can help these squally responsibilities elegantly and with compassion (for your child and for yourself).

Staying Calm and Centered

The first (and most important) step to managing a public tantrum or meltdown is staying calm and centered. If you get cranky and irritable, what does that do for their ability to mange their emotions?

• Breathe Deeply: When you see your child get distressed, breathe deeply to use your nerves to calm down and come back into the present moment.
• Grounding Exercise, If you are stressed try a ground exercise like feel your feet in the floor or give attention on how your cloth touching your skin. It might help to center yourself again and quell some anxiety.
• Internal Mantra: Recite a soothing mantra in your mind (examples might include — I am composed and accountable or This, too, will soon go away). This can then help you keep things in perspective as the craziness around builds up.
• Imagine a calming visualization — if you are able to, try to imagine some kind of peaceful image or place like a beach, forest, a beautiful place, etc. This can take your mind off the stress for a while and promote calmness.

Just because your child has big feelings in public, it is not a reflection on the way you parent or what type of parent you are. Let yourself experience frustration or feeling overwhelmed, but do not internalize the behavior of your child. While you remain at rest, your presence gives them something to hold onto through their emotional whirlwind and they will feel safe and solid.

Observing Without Judgment

Being ‘mindful’ means noticing what is happening with your child, not judging them for it. Which means being aware of what is happening without getting into the labels good or bad, story, and meaning.

• Acknowledge their feelings — even if you do not know the first thing about why your kid is screaming right now, the most important thing you could do is recognize and validate their feelings. By acknowledging, “I can see you’re feeling a bit upset,” your child will also feel they are heard and validated.
• Do Not Label or Shame: Do not call them ‘naughty’ or ‘spoiled.’ Sticks these labels on your kid’s back, which rips out their self worth and shame. Instead describe the behavior you are seeing and what the impact is.
• Curiosity and openness: Curiously engage with the situation in a more open state of mind, looking for the underlying needs or triggers that could be leading your child to react. This would allow you to act more appropriately and empathically.

As parents, when we watch without judgement, we give them the room to feel their feelings openly and without worry that they will be critiqued or shut down. This builds a foundation of trust and security which enables better communication and helps solve conflicts when they arise.

Empowering Your Child with Validation

This is an important form of mindful parenting — validating your child’s feelings. This means recognizing and making space for their feelings even if you believe that doesn’t justify the way they are behaving. This lets them feel as if they are listened to, understood and that will calm things down or help the emotional tag-teaming of one another.

• Mirror Their Emotions: Apply concise statements to mirror your child’s feelings, such as “You appear to be extremely irritated” or “I can tell that you are quite disappointed.” It tells them you’re tracking and that how they feel means something to you.
• Do Not Dismiss or Minimize: Do not dismiss your child’s emotions even though s/he may seem trivial or exaggerated to you. They’re fucking pain is real and valid.
• Comfort and Reassure: If your child is open to a hug or even just a gentle touch, give it. Let them know that you are with them and that everything will be alright.

When you validate your child’s feelings, they know they are safe to share and comfortable processing their emotions. This may help them feel lighter, and connected to you even if they are having a tantrum or meltdown.

Setting Clear Boundaries

Although it is validating your children’s emotion, setting rules and expectations is no less important. It helps them to make better sense of what is okay and not okay, which offers structure and predictability.

• Explain It Clearly: Say what your expectations are in a nice way. The point is to keep it short and in words that your child can understand. Avoid using long explanations or lectures because most likely the only thing you will do about this is make him angrier.
• Stay Consistent: A prerequisite for setting boundaries with your clients. Ensure that you are consistent in enforcing the rules in public. By doing this, your child learns that the rules are still in place even when you’re not there to remember them.

Refrain From Blame, Threats and Ultimatums: Avoid using words to push the other person into a corner. Instead, redirect your attention to offering choices and consequences that are connected to the behavior.

Consequences — And make sure to mete out the consequence you said would happen when this behavior occurred. This teaches your child that actions have reactions and also bribe them to think twice next time when desired.

You make your child feel safe and teach him that freedom of choice also entails assuming the responsibility for ensuring a responsible behavior.

Presented Some Choices & Options

Get creative with something that has worked for you in the past, such as choices when your child is having a tantrum or meltdown.

• Few Choices: Give your child few choices like saying, “Do you want to sit in the stroller or do you want to hold my hand? like “Would you like to read, or play with a toy?” It allows them to have some of the power and keeps the situation manageable.
• Disclaimer: All it takes is one little thing to distract a child and they forget why they were upset in the first place. Suggest a favorite toy, sing a song, or offer to do something else instead.
• Move Away: Remove your child to something that has caused the reaction and find a quieter or more peaceful site if possible. This can help them understand an emotion, and sit with it for a moment before they regain composure.

Getting Your Child out of There

In cases where your child may be disturbing the public or being a danger to themselves or others, you may also find it necessary to remove them from the public area.

• Focus on the Safety: If your child is at risk for injuring themselves or others, or the behavior is causing huge upset, it may be wise to take action by removing them from the situation.
• Be Calm but Firm: When taking your child into a time-out you need to do it calmly but firmly. Do not scream at them or scold them as this can make their emotions even more intense. Just say you have to go and lead them away to a quiet chunk of land.
• Provide comfort and reassure: Once you are in a bit more private setting, provided your child with support and reassurance. Tell them that you understand they are angry, and that you are there to help.
• Review the Experience: After your child calms down, review with your child what just happened. Discuss what occurred, how they felt, and how they could have handled it better next time.

Remove your child from public, and remember that this is not punishment — it is for the sake of their safety and well-being. How: You are not validating or reinforcing the tantrum but instead showing them, compassion and understanding that can help them process through it fear-free and learn what they need to do in order to use their ‘coping skills’ throughout a tantrum.

Preparing for and Preventing Public Meltdowns

Obviously, you cannot avoid them all together but here are a few things to be thinking about when in public to help reduce how many tantrums and meltdowns you have.

Identify Your Child’s Cues and Ask for What They Need

Every child is different and being a parent has taught me that you never know what is going to set off the waterworks (meltdown) as one child, yet another keeps running by. Observe Your Child: It is important to spend time observing your child, paying attention to their individual triggers and needs.

Some testosterone children can be very sensory sensitive which means loud noises, bright lights or crowds bother them. If your child is sensitive to any environment, keeping this in mind and planning as much as possible to counteract these triggers so you are not having other behaviors coming into the difficult times.

• Hungry and Tired — Get your child food if they are hungry or put them down for a rest if you know they have not had enough sleep before trying to go ANYWHERE. Bring snacks and drinks to prevent getting too hungry and plan excursions at times your child is usually awake.
• Transitions and routines — children need lots of notice for transitions, and they thrive on routine. Get them ready for those transitions or changes in the schedule by having clear expectations and giving choices as much as you can.
• Communicate and prepare: Discuss with your child where you’re going, what to expect and how long you will be there. This enables them to mentally prepare for the excursion; and it also lessens their anxiety.

Creating a “Calm-Down Kit”

A calm-down kit is a set of things that your child can use to self soothe and manage their feelings when they are starting a tantrum or meltdown.

• Sensory Mediums — Include items like fidget toys, stress balls, and weighted blankets that provide sensory input.
• Comfort Items: Bring a favorite stuffed animal, blanket or book that eases your child.
• Calm-down activities: Add something to keep your kid occupied and calm like coloring books, crayons, or small puzzles.
• Snacks and Beverage: Take healthier snacks and beverages to assist in controlling sugar amounts and steer clear of meltdowns from terrible-fatigue.

A calm-down kit helps give them tangible tools to deal with the stress and get those resilient skills back.

Being Honest with Yourself

It is vital to have reasonable expectations from your child when in public. It is important to remember that they are still learning how to control their feelings and deal with social situations.

• Establish Age-Appropriate Expectations: Take into account the age and developmental stage of your child in defining expectations. Young children might not be as self-restrained or patient as older kids.
• Adjustment: Be prepared to make a change or end an outing if your child is not coping well – some days will be better than others so having a backup plan just in case would help.
• Positive Reinforcement: Praise and recognize when your child is doing something right instead of all the times, they are making mistakes. This encourages the player and in turn, will encourage good choices.

Practice Mindfulness Yourself

Honestly, as a parent — your own emotions can carry quite the influence over your child. You demonstrate effective self-regulation, be better able to handle stressful situations and respond more patiently when you practice mindfulness on a regular basis.

Bleeding Mindfulness: integrating mindfulness practices like meditation, deep breathing or yoga as part of your daily routine. The practice of mindfulness can set you up to create more space for inner calm and resilience in the midst of the usual parenting storms.

Mindful Communication: Conversing mindfully with your child

Self-compassion: show yourself the same kindness you would a good friend, knowing that parenting is a process and you are on your journey.

When you put your physical and mental health first, it creates a calm underpinning with for sources of resistance to continue to play out in the system — thereby avoiding what tantrums and meltdowns often are.

Conclusion

It’s so stressful, it might interfere with your ability to see the situation clearly and remain calm. Mindful parenting is a way of approaching these moments that can make them pass more smoothly for you, as well as being easier on your children. Through understanding why these tantrums occur, practicing mindfulness and well-meaning behavior strategies you can respond to your child’s emotional needs with compassion and skill building stronger connection between you two, making it a more positive experience for both of you.

Keep in mind that being a mindful parent is not something you can do and check the box forever. Developing these skills and incorporating them into your day-to-day life requires time, practice and dedication. Yet the benefits are endless, resulting in a less stressful, more rewarding and simply joyous parenting experience.

Practicing mindfulness will give you the tools you need to handle trying moments with maturity and poise, and serve as a great example of how your child can manage their feelings in a peaceful way every day. It helps in creating a safe and supportive space where your child feels loved, understood and are able to navigate their own emotions.

Each tantrum and meltdown is an opportunity for connection and growth. With patience, compassion, and some mindfulness—you can expand your connection with your child while fostering a more serene and purposeful family life.

So grab a deep breathe in, be present and journey with us on toward mindful parenting. And together, you and your teenager will learn to take on life challenges with finesse, determination—and a whole lotta love.